hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
