my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
please don't ironically join a cult
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