we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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