Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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