Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
