He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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