You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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