hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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