I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
