We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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