just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
