I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
