My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
