watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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