ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
