Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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