Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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