Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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