We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
