btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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