this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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