He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This baby is an asshole
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
