thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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