I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
