I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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