u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
