Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
