If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
