Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
