Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
