happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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