May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
