So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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