Ambien. No doubt about it.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
