im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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