Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
