Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
