I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
