Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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