He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
