We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
