So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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