I got her a Nickelback box set.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
