nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just pynch a tree in the face
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
