it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
