you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
