hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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