First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
