he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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