Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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