just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
