just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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