u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
