well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
