I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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