The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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