My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
